Diving

It always takes effort.

    I lead a fasting prayer group every Wednesday lunch. By leading, I mean, just strumming the guitar, singing what comes to mind, and saying what I feel God telling me. A small group of believers come and we pray for the school, that believers will be brighter lights and that unbelievers would have soft hearts. The hard thing is that it is a fasting group. It isn’t easy, after waiting all morning, breakfast-less, to realize that it’s Wednesday, and then give it all up for one reason: it’s for God.
I’m a person who can’t say “no” easily, especially to things I know God wants me to do. I can’t simply ignore a calling, so long as I know it’s God’s command. I know this is an incredibly great quality, but sometimes it gets really tiring. Often I say yes to someone seeking advice, still thinking apprehensively about the massive workload I have and the amount of sleep I’ve been (not) getting. These one-on-one private fellowship and mentoring could take hours, and I don’t just do one per day.
I am definitely not a morning person, but I strongly feel God wanting to meet Him in the morning, before everything gets busy, before my thoughts are filled with something else. But waking up half an hour early is not easy. Staying up during that half hour is a challenge. Rushing out to school without breakfast isn’t the best feeling either.

       It really takes effort to make these decisions according to what pleases the Lord. It is like standing at the edge of a 10-meter diving board and looking down into the water. I speak from experience – I stayed up there for about an hour. I watched other people hesitate, jump, then shout back: IT’S AWESSSSOME!!!! COME ON!! And I just stood there being like NOPE NOPE NOPE Nohhhp.
In the end, I jumped. It was truly the hardest decision in my 16 year life. And it. Was. Amazing.
I won’t describe it for you, go try it yourself. My point is, after every single decision I made that pleased God, I never regret it. Once I leave the cafeteria and sit among some of my best friends, who also gave up their food, I feel full. Worshiping together, sharing, and praying together for each prayer request becomes my happiest moment – every time I do it. Once I put away my books and work load and focus on this friend, love pours out from me. S/he opens up to me, tells me all these testimonies, and allows me to point to God! Every time, I become God’s messenger, God’s mirror, God’s vessel of blessing. How precious is that. Once I get up, slap myself out of bed, and open my Bible, I start listening. God would speak to me in His gentle whispers and affectionate words. He would encourage me, sympathize with me, and just hang out with me. It is literally reading God’s personal love letters. All day I would be skipping and bouncing and floating about – I would be filled with His joy.
Yes, I get hungry on Wednesday afternoons, I often stay up very late finishing my work, and I sometimes sleep in class (sorry Mr.B..hehe).

         “Jesus said to them, ‘My food is to do the will of Him who sent Me, and to finish His work.'” John 4:34

          We as Christians are being molded to become like Jesus. One aspect of it is in our satisfaction. We will not be content with anything until we do the will of Him who sent us. But once we do it, it will satisfy us like sushi and chocolate satisfies cravings, and it will bring a smile on His face.

So now, JUMPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Encouragement

Sometimes I just need encouragement, you know. I know how the story will end, but, it feels harder than it should be. And all that has been going on in my mind is – I won’t make it.
The fact is…I will. I just need to have faith.

One of the hardest things in being a Christian is that you know so many things, but it is hard to make it really happen. I know that I need to be patient, but just imagining the days to come scare me. I know that I need to persevere, but I’m tired, distracted, and discouraged. I know that God will handle it all, that I have to do my best, but I doubt my best and end up not trying my hardest. Society seems to keep pushing me, and I know there’s a way out of here, but all I feel is the rocky wall moving in closer. UP – I have to look UP. But it’s not that easy.

The hardest part is that God has done all He had promised and all He could: He constantly gives me specific instructions, tells me that I will eventually succeed, gives me a friend that I can lean on, gives so many opportunities, and pours out His word on me. The hardest part is that despite all this, I still choose to feel discouraged and cry out “why”.

Honestly, this whole dramatic scenario isn’t that big of a deal. I was commissioned to minister through friendships (which He gave me…a lot.) and also study for an upcoming examination (which I chose to take. Voluntarily.) But time seems to be speeding up from dripping to trickling to pouring out like a waterfall. Too many opportunities for ministry gets me tired and leaves no time for studying. I can almost see myself failing the exam, which won’t satisfy me. And through it all God is saying “just trust Me.”

Sometimes, I just need an encouragement, you know. But the fault is mine. My God is constantly encouraging me, whispering me that I can, that He will help, but I closed off my ears and disregarded His encouragement. God wants my best, not success. And He says that I can do my best, and that in doing so, I will put on His face the biggest smile.

I have all the encouragement I need.